my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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