Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize