You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
