i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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