The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
