I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
