I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
