That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
