and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize