Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
