On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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