So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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