You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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