i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
