3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
