it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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