haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
