Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
