I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
