He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
