All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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