New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
they're like a gay fantastic four
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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