Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
