Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There are leaves in my underwear?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
