Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
