I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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