can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
