I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
