"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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