suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
