My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
