smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
