She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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