I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
