I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm passing your future prison.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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