when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
