my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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