He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
