I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
