got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
