he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
