He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
