Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
