and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
