Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
