Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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