its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
