I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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