I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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