whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
