Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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