How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
