Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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