Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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