I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
is it fun? or sober?
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