i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
