At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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