Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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