I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
