she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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