there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We need to get me chipped asap
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
