are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize